What is my Responsibility to God?

For the last weeks I have carried around a small green post-it note with this question written on it, and I think it's finally beginning to penetrate the overgrown jungle that is my mind.

Sometimes my mind wonders why I continue to live from my suitcase, and whether I will find a place of my own anytime soon.  I wouldn't call it anxiety - but it's not shantih, shantih either.  My mind can be a beastly tormentor even while the countenance is cool..

I start to realize that God is teaching me something very important by keeping me suspended in perpetual uncertainty.  That is, there is a Lesson to be learned.

I simply must learn to be happy with conditions as they are, and whatever they are.   Whether I live on Norb's pull-out sofa or in a spacious 61/2 flat, my own fluffy, queen-sized feather-bed spectacle or a stained mat on the floor, it's just not relevant.  Statistically insignificant, if you prefer; an illusion of western programming...

I can learn to be happy everywhere.  I can - we can - create and maintain a happy equilibrium on the inside.  It amounts to taking a simple decision, really.

It means deciding to be content with anything and everything.  Unfazed by gain or loss.  Easy come, easy go.  It is the simple acceptance of what God has given me at any given time, whatever it is.  Unless I manifest this happy equilibrium, I am destined to float around like an amoeba, drifting here and there and wondering why I can't find "my place."  

In other words, "settled down" is a state of mind.  Hah!  Like all great glimpses of truth, it is magnificent in its simplicity; "my place" is actually everywhere because it comes from me and not meaningless externalities...

but as we all know by now, simplicity is not synonymous with ease..!

So, the goal posts have shifted once again, my friends.  I am reminded of my neighbor Konrad's wise words of advice; "You need some short-term goals."

Current short-term goals: be happy, speak French, wax armpits.

Thank you dear friends and family, for sharing in and tolerating my eternal musings with patience and good humour!  I love you all so very much,

gros bisoux,

LMA