I'm Finally Off Toilet Paper!!!

First, the most important news of the day..I forgot to mention that I finally gave up my dependence on toilet paper while I was on the mountain! This is eveolution indeed!

It's nearing the end of the off-season here in Nepal and desperation pollutes the air. For whatever reason, I am (and always have been) highly sensitive to my environment, and the energy here in Pokhara is distinctly stressful. This is why I decided to hole up in a guest house at the other end of the lake (there are approximately 700 guest houses in Lakeside). My room sits on the lake (Fewa Tal) and is very, very quiet, so I no longer feel an urgent need to leave Pokhara. Now I can simply relax and regroup at my leisure. Unfortunately, my visa expires on the 21st, so unless I manage to drag myself to the immigration office soon (for a one-month extension), I may need to flee the country.

That reminds me; several people have now expressed concern via email about the monsoon. Indeed, the papers all report that this years' monsoon is one of the worst, with a significant death toll and millions of people left without homes. Most of the damage in Nepal is in the Terai (maybe 100km south of here) and in Northeast India (Bihar). Personally I am not too much affected, except for the fact that bus travel -an already high-risk activity here in Nepal- is rendered even more dangerous. Overturned busses are a regular occurrence even without rain (we saw two on the way to Pokhara, each time thanking God that our bus was spared!). So for the moment I am content to remain where I am. If I absolutely need to flee the country, I could take the 6-hours bus ride back to Kathmandu where I can take a flight (less than $100 USD) to Delhi. The only problem with this plan? Delhi is a hell-hole.

For some (all?) of you, it may appear that I am not doing much. Since I descended from the mountain and located my shanti-shanti guest house on the lake (100 Nepali rupees/night, or less than $2 USD), I discovered that I am finally able to read books! It is unfortunate that during my time in Hrishikesh, where books are cheap and plentiful, I was unable to read (which, incidentally, did not stop me from actually acquiring a mountain of books – did you get them, dad?). Now that I am in Nepal, where books are expensive and selection is limited, I am finally in the right mindset to spend hours immersed in a good story.

My first days back were spent engrossed in Autobiography of a Yogi (Parmahansa Yogananda). For those of you with a slightly open mind, I HIGHLY recommend it. I especially appreciated the numerous references to (and clear explanations of) verses in the Bible. It is the first time I have seen biblical scriptures interpreted in a way that actually make sense to me, especially the story about Adam and Eve (page 168, I believe). This book has helped me to appreciate Christian tradition in a way I never did before. And aside from all that, it's a great read. I finished it in three days.

Next up? A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. While indeed brief, it is filled with abstract concepts that, although thrilling, pass right over the top of my head. I will need to re-read this one five more times before I have assimilated some of it! But it does include some of my all-time favorite scientific ideas, like Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, and the dual nature of light (it's both a particle AND a wave!!!), and this gives me hope that I may one day understand the rest..

On the mountain I had an inordinate amount of time to sit and think. There were few people and they only spoke Nepalese, so many times I was forced to retreat into the vast recesses of my brain. It is there that I discovered that, while it may seem as though I am doing very little, I am actually doing the most important thing of all: I'm slowly unraveling and invalidating all the deep-seated, negative habit patterns and thought patterns that have accompanied me throughout my life. It is these thought patterns that have crippled my development. But 30 years of wrong learning and wrong thinking cannot be undone in three months! On the mountain I came to understand that only by developing consciousness (awareness) and taking everything one day at a time will I be able to compile a new framework of thoughts and habits that I may evolve in the future. I simply cannot incorporate everything I learned in Hrishikesh at one time! An example? My fainting "problem" is not physical...it is the result of believing that I am not strong. If we believe it, it becomes true. The power of the mind is an amazing thing.

Helping me to understand this is my newest soul sister Maria, a gem of a woman who is passing through the same experiences I am and who functions like a mirror for me. Like me, she is drawn by some unseen force to the Himalaya, and like me, she cannot also explain why. Together we are discovering many, many things. I thank my super souls for sending her to me, as she helps me to realize that I am much stronger than I perceive myself to be, and that I need not conquer the world in one day.

Note about pictures; it turns out that I am much more inclined to use the video mode on my digital camera. Unfortunately, videos cannot be uploaded (at least, not here in Nepal) while regular pix are dodgy and slow to upload (at best). Below are the fruit of the last hour and a half...enjoy!

All my love to my dear family and friends. You may be scattered over the globe, but I could swear you were all living in the center of my heart!

abrazotes,

LMA