Where Does the Time Go?


Once again I am struggling to write these words. Every moment is all-consuming, leaving me with little to no capacity for articulation. Please forgive the disjointed nature of this update..

The last weeks have been nothing less than remarkable, with Mother's Day 2007 going down as the day I was truly reborn. A half hour crying and laughing on the telephone with my mother and I am a new woman!! Progress like this cannot be denied, and there can be no doubt that God's hand is in every little detail..

Every single day here is an unpredictable adventure bringing with it new challenges, new lessons, new pain and new joy. Just when the daily chaos of ear-splitting horns, lugies and spit, piles of crap, burning garbage and plastic, flies constantly landing on your food, the oppressive humidity and a million other nuisances threaten to diminish my sunny disposition, the sweet thoughtfulness of an Indian vendor or a big spontaneous smile from a child can make it all disappear (cockroaches are a special challenge, but I no longer flinch when they emerge from the toilet or die in my shower. Except for last night when one was chilling out in my sink. This was finally just too much for me).

So I said I wanted a challenge? Here's a real horror story for you: In honor of Cinco de Mayo, we ventured out of town in an actual car. That's right, a real car with air conditioning AND seatbelts! We drove the peaceful scenic route south along the Ganga where we saw peacocks and elephants until we arrived at the insane city of Haridwar, where we stopped for some cold drinks. Everything was going swimmingly until my worst nightmare materialized; As I was about to climb back into the safe, clean car, I stepped with both feet into a pool of Indian SLUDGE and sank right in past the ankles!!!! My first reaction was to vomit, and for a moment I thought I really might. Indian sludge is a special concoction of god knows what but we can all imagine and the smell is a good indication...luckily, I have great taste in companions and two of them immediately sprang into action locating clean water and soap for washing. One of them even washed my shoe for me! Now that is a true friend!!!!! After remembering what Swami says (without pain there is no pleasure) and accepting my hideous fate, we continued on to a swanky non-vegetarian restaurant where we popped open a small bottle of whisky and dined (me without shoes) on a delicious peanut salad (peanut chat), vegetable kabobs and roti (Indian bread). I had just enough whisky to get a little buzz going, forget my putrid footwear, and laugh the night away...


Life IS Stranger Than Fiction

Weeks ago I sat in a local chai shop with three Russians. One of them, a vibrant woman I had met only once before, surprised me by asking to give me her email address. I pulled out my notebook and handed it over. When she finished writing her information, she finished it off by drawing...are you ready for this???....a COW'S BUTT!!! I nearly fell out of my chair!!!!!! Then you know what she tells me? "It's the only thing I know how to draw."

What are the chances? Who would ever imagine there were two of us? I love this girl, my first undeniable female BOND, and once again I am forced to ask myself: does it get any better than this?


My Predilection for Unwieldy Titles Lives On

The beat in my head right now is the mantra that plays continuously for the cows in the dairy behind the Ganga Field Restaurant near my ashram. Presumably the mantra helps the cows produce more milk, but I can't help but suspect they are all insane as the mantra never stops and never varies. It goes like this "na na naaaaaa, na na na na na na." I estimate I've heard it at least 5,000 times.

Enough of material horrors..the real challenge in life is learning to endure the confusion; the highs are great, but learning to be patient throughout periods of uncertainty will never be easy as long as we walk this earth..

My intuition tells me that it's time to move on from Rishikesh in search of nature and solitude. I am required to visit Nepal by the end of June to comply with visa requirements and feel that a monastery will be just what I need to continue along in my quest for health and well-being. I have learned so much from my time here in this singular place, but now I am ready for the profound peacefulness of the Buddhist culture and the healing power of the Himalayas, where I'm hoping to practice patience and self-restraint. My true nature is finally emerging and, thanks to God it looks nothing like what I lived before...

I will never have the words to express how grateful I am for all that I've been blessed with. Every day I am amazed all over again by the number of people who love and support me. It is unfathomable that I could have lost so many years believing I was alone.

With love and hugs from Rishikesh,


LMA