"It was shameless how life made fun of one; it was a joke, a cause for weeping! Either one lived and let one's senses play, drank full at the primitive mother's breast--which brought great bliss but was no protection against death; then one lived like a mushroom in the forest, colorful today and rotten tomorrow. Or else one put up a defense, imprisoned oneself for work and tried to build a monument to the fleeting passage of life--then one renounced life, was nothing but a tool; one enlisted in the service of that which endured, but one dried up in the process and lost one's freedom, scope, lust for life."
-H. Hesse

Only One Way To Find Out

In the last weeks, as I've laid in bed with the worst sickness I've had since the last one (April, bronchitis, New Delhi), I've been acutely aware of the abrupt break in my blague communications and the anxious effect it must have produced, given the radical turns my life has taken in the last months.

And now, inspired by the prose of Hermann Hesse, I'm in the mood to recapitulate.

The shock of my unforeseen and dramatic shift from Indian Gypsy to German Hausfrau, my current, rather wretched physical state and the relative isolation of a new and different culture have reawakened the philosopher within.

I have never pretended to know what I wanted in life, but I've always been clear about what I didn't. For years I employed the earnest and simple methodology known as trial and error to narrow down the playing field; Computers? No. Banking? No. Lifeguard? No. Politics? No. Journalism? No. Research? No. Capitol Hill Prostitution? Profitable, but no. Teaching English? getting warmer..

In time it became clear that it was the structure of western life (and work) itself I could not conform to, and that my search for an appropriate vocation within it was fundamentally misdirected. So I knew where I didn't belong, but I didn't know what other choices existed. It was only when I finally said goodbye to my traditional western existence (New Year's Eve, 2006) that I finally opened up to the myriad possibilities awaiting me on the global playground.

Now, I've always managed to irritate more than a few people with my tendency to dream up new ideas and desires at every turn; on Monday I'm ready to cruise Mexico in the Karmann Ghia, on Tuesday I'm going to hitchhike to Berlin and turn my hairs green, Wednesday it's milking cows in the Swiss Alps, Thursday I've decided to keep my room at the ashram permanently and on Friday I'm going to the U.A.E. to teach English in a burkha. Indeed, every day reveals a brilliant new plan.

It was my intense dissatisfaction that led me to Mother India - to Rishikesh, and finally to the Himalayas - where God revealed the Divine Plan...the one plan I couldn't dream up no matter how hard I tried. And it certainly was a shock when it finally came out..

On the 23rd of January, in the moments after I bade farewell to a cherished travel companion and watched him disappear into the street, it suddenly occurred to me that I would spend my life with him.

The knowledge came in a sudden wash of intuition and while I did not question the truth of it, I was certainly in deep shock. It took days for my mind to absorb the news and weeks to accept and embrace my new reality; I'm going to be a wife and mother after all...I'm going to live in Germany...I'm going to leave India.

After more than three years of learning to accept the uncertainty of my future, of living day to day from faith alone... in a single instant, all was revealed to me: I would spend my life in service to God by serving a man of God, a man I had never touched, never kissed, never even contemplated as a potential partner.

. . . . .

After our happy union in California, Herr Fritz and I returned to the homeland (now Deutschland) to celebrate all over again. It was another grand affair held in a local cherry orchard. We arrived on the front of a tractor to the gracious applause of scores of Germans dressed in their finest German costume. A priest and dear friend of the groom gave an impressive sermon which I was unable to understand, but when the moment of truth arrived, I was able to make my vow in German - ya, ich will - to the great appreciation of the crowd.

The party was first-rate, with a lovely three-tiered black forest cake prepared by Fritz' auntie Claudia and plenty of live music, including a real live Mexican Mariachi as well as a world famous gypsy band featuring relatives of none other than Mr. Django Reinhardt himself. Guests danced the night away while consuming inexplicable amounts of beer.

I myself, however, sipped only on mineral water. Germans, as I've mentioned before, are efficient peoples. And as is customary in any arranged marriage, my husband wasted no time in ensuring his line. Indeed, the sickness I now endure heralds approaching motherhood...little Otto will join the ranks in February - the newest and most exciting twist in the Divine Plan - and a family charged with bridging the gap between East and West is born.

And while I've no idea what may come next in this never-ending fairytale that is my life, my faith remains intact, buttressed by the strong will and purpose expressed in my husband. Experience is the greatest teacher and the experience of motherhood is my next greatest spiritual challenge.

And the adventure continues..

With affection and wishes of peace for all,
Om Narayana,
LMH

Disclaimer PS: Regarding the references to "God," should they be in any way distasteful to the reader, I urge him or her to replace the term with any deemed more suitable, i.e. The Universe, The Divine Mother, Mother Nature, Everything That Is, etc.

PS: Regrettably, formal photos do not exist for either of our weddings..but maybe you'll enjoy this..

Everything really does happen faster in California.

The ladies enjoy a classic So Cal holiday: lounging on Astro Turf (TM) and enjoying the local wildlife (Hummers (TM)) while sipping Pepsi (TM) from paper cups.

My uber-talented husband builds an eastern-style toilet to accomodate guests at our orchard Hochzeit.

Fritz & Lola make their Grand Entrance!

Definitive proof, there is at least one Mexican in South Germany.


One of the saner family photos. (R to L: Sister Sarah, Frau Lola, Herr Fritz, Mama Uschi, Oma, Uncle Claus, and Uncle Wolfgang's sister Eva)