Something Big is Brewing

...

Rarely do I sleep the night before a flight. It's 3am now and I have relinquished any illusion that I might do so tonight. Instead I sit musing in front of a computer screen, brazenly denying my need for self-preservation.

My personal possessions have grown to unconscionable proportions in the last month. I felt a sense of bemused acceptance as I surveyed the way my things had taken over an entire corner of the room like an untreated fungal infection. I fear heavy loads and feel motivated to leave as much as possible behind, but the painstaking process of deciding what that will be is not so simple.

My early attempts to pack were often a hellish procedure. Back then I had many more possessions and less packing skill, so the stress was intensified. I also managed to set impossible standards, procrastinating by making countless detailed lists and then frantically trying to do everything at the eleventh hour. I have unpleasant memories of turning into a witch and randomly abusing those unfortunate enough to share my airspace. Frustration with my own failed strategy - and fear of personal failure - was wrongly expressed as anger. It's all so simple now, but back then it was just an ugly and ignorant reaction to Stress.

Happily, age has cultivated a mellower me, and I've long since developed packing skills, even if I still procrastinate using them. Getting older is a great relief.

I've always thought that the key to a "happy" life is low expectations. It works for me anyway...the less I expect the happier I am to have whatever I get.

I wold love nothing more than to spend my Sunday musing. The last five weeks I have worked like a mad dog teaching English and translating documents, socializing in the evenings and running around non-stop, western style....indeed, I feel drained and physically run-down.

After 30 years of living one way, it will take real discipline to marry my two lifestyles...but for now I'm just looking forward to is getting healthy again in India!

bon, maintenant, c'est ridicule...je dois aller faire mes valises!

Au revoir, mon cher Montreal!
LMA