Giving Up, Going Back

It's ironic that every time I left the U.S., someone always suggested I was "running away." I never worried that it might be true. But I assure you all that it is quite true now: I am, without a doubt, running away from India and all it represents.

I am sad and sorry to make this decision. It is obvious to me that the working world will not satisfy me for long. But for now at least, running away and taking a job is the easier thing to do.

I've been back from the mountain for several weeks now but I still can't say what exactly happened to me up there. I called it mental collapse, but this was only for lack of a better characterization. I suspect that my ego was broken. At least, I feel broken.

Years ago, in a small dirty valley, someone once gave me permission to give up for any reason as long as I didn't say it was "too hard." I wish I could follow this advice today. I wish I had a good reason for giving up. But the sad truth is, it's just too hard.

I'm sorry, everyone, for letting the dream go. For failing to inspire even myself. I never imagined this day would come.

with affection,
LMA